How to say "I Love You"

All someone that knows means" I Love You" ,that to difficult to say.
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. To say it a hundred ways is to cheapen a pure sentiment; to place a bet with your girlfriend on your ability to do just that is to participate in a culture that has commoditized affection and thrown it into the remainder bin; and to ask someone else to come up with your hundred ways represents love at its nadir—pure romantic sloth. Why not deep-fry a bag of candy hearts and toss them on the rug for her to eat?
(1)That’s the " first suggestion".
Then there are the twee ways to say it:

(2) with freshly cut flowers, assuming she is not a flower;

(3) with a bust made of fudge;

(4) with wee spaniels;

(5) through blinking tears;

(6) whispered to her hearing aid;

(7) inscribed into her lawn with gasoline;

(8) tattooed on your taint;

(9) while she sleeps and you stand outside the window.

Not to say :

• You told her about your well-managed herpes.


• You purchased matching fursuits so that you could renew your vows as foxes.


• You gave her back her daughter.


• You let her shoot the first deer of the season.


• You ignored her Adam’s apple.


• You cut the words into the back of a bus seat with a pocketknife.


• Scratched them into her cellphone screen.


• Spelled them out across the bottom of the bathtub in her hair, which you’d dutifully collected from the shower-drain.


• You had the bailiff pass her a note.


• In the late 19th century you cut her name into the cornfields, hoping someone would invent the airplane.